As time has passed, I find the urge to procreate has lessened and the legacy I want to leave in this world resides in the type of person I will be, the kind of work I create and the community that I build around me. When I do make the decision to have children, though I may give birth to a child of my own, I plan to go through the process of adoption.
Growing up, I would always think of names for my future children and even decide how many I would have and at what age I would have them; by 22, because I wanted to be a little older than when my parents had me but still be young enough that I’d be a “young mom.”
Flash forward to my mid-twenties, where my goals look a lot different and the children I currently have are the ones I coach or hand back to my friends once it’s time for their nap.
There is so much that goes into having a kid, especially as a woman, that the bulk of the responsibilities always seem to fall on us.
I grew up as an only child, but after nannying for about five years, I realized what it took to truly take care of children.
In early November, Long Beach City College hosted A Different Kind of Love, an orientation and workshop dedicated to aspiring foster parents. Current foster students can receive resources through LBCC’s NextUp and Guardian Scholars programs.
With that in mind, I’ve thought about the things I need to be a successful and happy parent.
A community is needed to raise a child, not just a mother or father, but an entire network of people to hold the family unit accountable and provide the child with love, care and resources. I’d like to make sure I have cultivated a network of support before I bring a child into my life.
It’s important that I have enough in the bank for their many expenses but also a savings or a game plan in place for their braces, first car and college tuition in the possible future.
The study of epigenetic teaches us that when you have a biological child, we imprint roughly seven years of generational trauma onto them. If you have not done the work to heal the trauma of not only yourself, but your parents, you can pass this trauma onto your children that they will carry with them throughout their lives.
I’m not focused on having a child any time soon because I know that there are layers of unfinished business from my childhood that still needs to be dug up and healed so I don’t pass on unresolved issues to my future children.
According to Children’s Rights, an organization committed to protecting children in the system, there are over 400,000 kids in America’s foster care system. Some of which spend almost five or more years waiting for a family to go home to. With this happening on our own soil, it should be commonplace to create a family by fostering or eventually adopting a child of any age.
Yes, adopting or fostering a child costs money, but there are options available to you to finance the adoption as well as stipends received to help you care for the child for medical bills or school supplies.
Of course, it is always about intention. I don’t intend on having children, it’s just not in my plans.
I want to build a life based off of the passions that fuel me and if I’m in a place where I can bring children into that. I want to make sure I’m extending that goodwill to children who are waiting for their forever home.
Imagine a world where it was just as normal to say ‘When are you adopting kids?’ as it is to ask ‘When are you having a baby?’, changing that rhetoric would open up the doors to the 400,000 plus kids who deserve the chance to be a part of a family or the reason for one.