A childhood in foster care and suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome has not deterred student Jacquline Mc Curine from pursuing her goals of acting and music.
“Shoot, I’m here. I’m making it through. I mean look at me, I’m here right now. If I didn’t make it through, I would not be here,” said Mc Curine.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a disability diagnosed at birth that can affect people both physically and mentally, affecting speech, learning abilities, coordination, memory and behavior. Mc Curine learned the term for her proper diagnosis after asking her mother who confirmed it to her.
“I would say that what I have is kind of mild. The only thing that falls into the behavior is the mood swings. That’s the only thing that I haven’t overcome…I’m still in the child mindset,” said Mc Curine.
According to her, it’s through these extreme behavioral shifts such as crying, temper tantrums and lashing out that she is able to find comfort.
Mc Curine went into further detail with hardships that she was faced with. “Living with FAS can be hard,” says Mc Curine, “because we go through mood swings and have trauma…I do have a lot of people that come around me and say, ‘Oh, you need to fix the way you act.”
She goes on to say how a big part of having FAS is having this lack of control that people often don’t understand.
“Sometimes people with FAS, our mood is so impacted that it’s hard for us to try and control it. And sometimes a lot of people don’t understand our disabilities, and not just me, but any other individual out there that has a disability, we are judged due to who we are. We can’t help the way we are,” said Mc Curine.
Mc Curine was put into the foster system from birth, taken away from her mother due to her issues with drugs and alcohol and stayed in the system until the age of 18.
At the age of five and a half, she came into the custody of the Gist family.
Her time in foster care was not always the best, as her foster parents were not necessarily prepared to raise a child with FAS and often neglected her personal and educational needs.
Despite not receiving physical abuse, Mc Curine was no stranger to harsh words and mistreatment.
“When parents teach their children how to talk or give them some type of education, I was not taught that,” said Mc Curine.
It was her foster mother’s idea for Mc Curine to start Hooked on Phonics, in-home learning books, after being told by her teacher that she was behind.
“I had no type of education, non verbal communication, so when I came into this foster home my teacher told her that I didn’t know how to hold a pencil and I didn’t know how to speak. My foster mom was worried. Hooked on Phonics really helped because it helped with my verbal communication,” said Mc Curine on her experience with the program.
Mc Curine shared that she held contempt for her mother drinking during her pregnancy causing her FAS, before her mother apologized.
“She said that she was sorry that this had to happen and stuff and that we wished that it didn’t have to go that way. I would say that I’m not mad at her anymore,” Mc Curine said. “I mean it happened in the 80s, that’s an old generation thing. I wouldn’t hold a grudge against my mom. I’m just thankful that I’m here,” she added.
The current relationship she has with her birth mother is strained, spending limited time with her mother and making sparse phone calls.
She recounted the earliest memory of her birth mother as an extremely happy reunion.
“I first saw her at my open house. She came to my open house at my elementary school, Roosevelt, in south Pasadena and she came and I was surprised and I ran up to her and I just, and yeah it was adorable, I couldn’t let go of her,” said Mc Curine on meeting her birth mother.
Years later, Mc Curine reached back out to her mother and once again got in contact with her. Although, the relationship differed from how it had been before.
“I would say it’s not the same as it was when I first met her. She doesn’t call me, when I call her she gets mad… I don’t have any pictures (with her), we never took any pictures together,” she said.
Her birth family hasn’t shown signs of appreciation towards Mc Curine either, instead making her feel different.
She elaborated on how this is a common thread in families who have children with disabilities, shunning them in a sense.
“Even family will go against their sons and daughters if they have a disability because a lot of people don’t have time to deal with people with disabilities, so that’s where my side of the family comes from. They want to get to know me then as they know me they start turning fake, quickly” Mc Curine said.
Dealing with her lack of connection to her family has caused for Mc Curine to struggle with depression.
“I’m just one of those abandoned kids that the mother doesn’t care about,” said Mc Curine.
Her mom is no longer an alcoholic, though she does smoke cigarettes and weed.
Mc Curine’s own personal relationship with drugs and alcohol is rather limited, she smokes weed and occasionally drinks.
“I only smoke weed, that’s the only thing I do. For alcohol, just in moderation, I’m not a heavy drinker. I don’t go out to clubs to drink,” said Mc Curine.
Despite rough beginnings, Mc Curine continued to preserve with the assistance of two organizations; Supported Living Services (SLS) and her local regional center.
Both organizations focus on helping people with disabilities, providing them with resources. They have been supporting her, checking in with her three times a week to see if she’s okay.
One roadblock she’s had to overcome is finding the means to live on her own, a goal she’s had for years, but because of her condition slowed the process.
“If I’m trying to reach a goal it’ll probably take a while. Me getting my own apartment. I’ve been wanting that apartment since 2017 and I just got it in 2023,” said Mc Curine on the delayed process.
The regional center and SLS provided help in the process, assisting her in filling out the documentation in order to obtain her apartment.
She currently lives on her own, where she resides with her two guinea pigs, Bella and Whitney.
“It’s better for me. I am happier because I have my own space and I don’t have to worry about drama. I don’t have to worry about having to clean up after people. Me living on my own makes things easier and I’m able to get through what I need to get through, especially with being here and having classes,” said Mc Curine.
Mc Curine plans on continuing to attend classes here at LBCC and pursuing theater further and thinking about transferring to Cal State Long Beach.